4 min read Growth

The Art Of Being Yourself

The Art Of Being Yourself

The older I become, the more I think about authenticity and showing up in the world as my true self.

A self that is not malleable to the situation or the person I am with. A self that is unafraid of being judged or of being altered in its essence to fit in.

So when I came across this beautiful TEDx talk by Caroline McHugh - I had to share it. She is funny, articulate, and unapologetic about being her true self. She encourages us to follow suit.

With over 14 million views, this talk has touched many people.

Below are my takeaways from the talk and my favorite quotes.

Successful people and how they operate

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'You find that the thing they have in common is that they have nothing in common.' - Caroline McHugh
  • Successful people come across as larger than life. In fact, they are people just like you and me who have figured out their unique gift and worked on bettering and sharing it with the world.
  • We all have a gift that is worth sharing.
  • Don't play small and don't be afraid to be who you are.
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'Your only job on this planet is to be as good as being you, as they are at being them.'- Caroline McHugh

The Big Question

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Who do you think you are?
  • Life is too unpredictable to be living, not being true to yourself. You could live a long time or you could die young.
  • 2 stages of life that you are awesome at being yourself  - The Hourglass Effect.
  • As a Child - you don’t know how to disguise your differentness till society conditions you to fit in.
  • As an Elderly - you are more honest and authentic because you know, you don't have much time left.  
The Hourglass Effect

The I (Interiority) complex.

  • Developed by Caroline McHugh to describe our complex layers.
  • 3 ways of being in the world - Superiority, Inferiority, and Interiority.
  • Superiority complex - a delusion of grandeur. You need somebody to feel superior to.
  • Inferiority complex - a delusion of insignificance. You need somebody to make you feel inferior.
  • Interiority complex - Uncomparative. You do not need anybody to compare to because you realize there is nobody else, that is quite like you.
  • You have a 'queendom' that is only yours.
  • When you are yourself , it is a liberating way to go through life.
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'We all have our own thing and that’s the magic. And everybody comes with their own sense of strength and their own queendom. Mine could never compare to hers and hers could never compare to mine.' - Jill Scott

Phases of the I complex

Just like the layers of an onion, we are composed of many layers. As we peel each layer, we come closer and closer to our authentic selves.

  1. Layer 1 - Perceptions - 'what people think of you.'
  • Approval addiction - Needing constant outside approval and changing who you are to gain this approval.
  • Usually, women are affected by this more than men.
  • Once you are able to overcome people pleasing, you move on to the next layer.

2.  Layer 2 - Persona - 'what you want people to think of you.'

  • This is the part of your adaptive personality that helps you grow and be better every year.
  • Intervals of possibility are bifurcated paths that come at various points in life , asking you to choose which way to go.
  • Change paths or take new paths when you are strong and in your element Vs when you are forced to change due to a calamity or misfortune.

3. Layer 3 - Ego - 'what you think of yourself. '

  • On our onward journey to the center, we hit the third layer which is the ego.
  • This is the part of us that has 2 extremes - one which is self congratulatory and the other that self castigates.
  • We need the ego to protect us but we also need to build a stable relationship with it.
  • Develop an inner state of mind that is impervious to the good and bad.
  • Develop a sense of humility.
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'What that has left me with, is a spectacular disregard for where my abilities end, a spectacular disregard for being the center of attention.
In fact, since that day, I have never been the center of attention - You are the center of mine.' - Caroline McHugh

4. Layer 4 - Self - your true authentic self.

  • This is the you that was when you were little and the one you will be when you are older.
  • This is the destination.

Your life as a message

  • Your life should be a message - big or small, it doesn't matter.
  • Take up the space you were meant to take up in this world.
  • Shine, Gleam and Glow - 'like you swallowed the moon'.
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'When you see somebody in the full flow of their humanity it’s remarkable.
They shine, they gleam, they glow it’s like they swallowed the moon.' – Caroline McHugh

References:

Yamini

Yamini